My Big Fat Blog

Post Bday Update

2007-10-18T11:05:00.000-04:00

I've kinda been on strike from the internet for the past 10 days or so - I just needed a real break, and I'm not sure I'm done with it yet. During that time, I had a birthday (almost), a major relapse into spinal pain (on the morning of my bday - which is why I decided to postpone it till further notice, since I spent my bday flat on my back - or on my stomach, when I went to the chiro/accu), got honored by the American Cancer Society (last night), reconnected with a high school friend (Jody) and a few other things that escape my mind.

Still going strong on the diet front... Although, oddly, my exercise has slipped a bit since I started back with the trainer 2 weeks ago. Hm. Doesn't really make sense...

Yesterday was the 1st time I've worked out - and only 40 minutes on the arc trainer - since Saturday... because of the spine situation... really brutal on the pain front.

Today, I'm going to a Mat Pilates Class (in 50 minutes) for the first time... It's "contra-indicated" according to all the spine folks, but so is everything else that makes you fit - apart from walking, which actually causes wicked spasms and swimming which bores me to tears. So.. we'll see. I'll know tomorrow if Mat Pilates is a good idea or not.

I gotta try!

Still cycling, of course, but it's fallen off from summer levels due to rain in the past couple of weeks... I'm happy to report though, that I'm upgrading on Saturday - getting a 21 speed bike. :) Frankly, I have NO idea what I'll do with 21 speeds, but it's a gift in exchange for some internet help... so .. sweet... I'll figure out the details later. :)

ok, 45 minutes till class time.

I'll be doing a size drop check again on November 1st. Here's hopin'! And workin!

P.S. Loving this season of Biggest Loser...

While I wait for the Rain to Go Offshore

2007-09-30T14:12:00.000-04:00

Woman with worlds most expensive (and worth it, cuz sunstroke sucks) backpack (camelbak) wins wet tshirt contest. SOAKED. Head to toe. Hehe. If you click on the pic, it'll enlarge and you can see the thoroughness of the drenching.

Happy as a clam. And waiting for the storm to head offshore so I can continue my Sunday ride. :)

Happy Sunday!

2007-09-30T09:11:00.000-04:00

It's 10 past 9 in the morning, and I'm barely coherent.
One of P's idiot international fans was kind enough to give me a wake up call
about an hour ago... grumble... I can't believe those numbers are still circulating.

OK.. so the week in review:
Food: Perfect - no carbs week number 1 complete. Ironically, it was Mark that wanted to restart/kickstart with another induction phase, and I hopped on to be supportive, and he gave up a couple days in saying he just didn't have enough energy with lifting and no carbs... s'ok - he has less to lose than me - take your time, dear. ;)

Exercise: Very Good, but not excellent... or maybe I'm just being hard on myself, because I only went cycling twice, due to all the rain...

I rejoined the gym this week, and added gym cardio and weightlifting back into the equation. Did I actually take a day off this week? Umm.. yeah. Yesterday. I went to the spa next door and got a facial and soaked in the jacuzzi for hours... Ahhhh...

My skin looks great, but my spine is nowhere near as happy as I would have liked. I don't get it - how can I feel worse after a day of pampering than before it? Sigh... the esthetician must've hit a couple of my landmines.

I'm hopeful that a nice ride this morning will calm the beasties within.

Rain Rain Go Away!

2007-09-26T09:20:00.000-04:00

3rd morning
in a row
I wake up and it's raining too hard to go ride!
and thunder
and lightening.

This sucks.

Definitely feeling the weight lifting from yesterday though,
so that's good...
means I did enough to make an impact.

OK.. to the gym I go for cardio and more lifting.
Since I didn't do biceps or triceps yesterday,
I'll figure out a way to do those today,
without troubling all the herniated disks...

C2-3, C3-4, C4-5, C5-6, C6-7

or the RSD (reflex sympathetic dystrophy) in T10-12...

Ahhh, all the little landmines of my spine...
lol...
and the challenge of not setting them off...

So far so good.

Back to the Gym

2007-09-25T19:18:00.000-04:00

A little updating...

I went on the ride with Mosaic Sunday, and it was gorgeous... not in a traditional sense of the word, since it was overcast and a little rainy, but for a 24 mile ride (20 with them and another 4 on my own after), it couldn't have been more ideal.

I really enjoyed the pack riding experience. It was a first for me, and I found myself doing things, like riding on a very busy road and over bridges, that I wouldn't have normally done on my own.. very freeing. :) I also learned a little about how to maximize the pack riding experience... like making sure to be in the front of the pack when a bridge comes up - I got stuck in the back for one, and it was brutal being behind the slowest riders going up a bridge. Yucko.

Gonna upgrade the bike soon too.

Monday I did nothing but get a massage... also quite wonderful... and even better, I didn't need to recuperate after the massage - big bonus. The last time I got one, it released so much lactic acid into my system it actually knocked me out of the loop for 2 days.

Today, Tuesday, I re-upped at the gym at the community center. It was raining again this morning, so I couldn't ride, and it was just time. I've been wanting to start lifting weights again anyhow. So, I went to the gym, did my cardio there on the arc trainer for an hour, then set about to the machines... and I found myself totally lost & totally hating being inside a gym for a workout - instead of out on my bike... a very odd feeling for me since I used to be such a gym rat... With the spinal issues and not wanting to injure myself, I kept to the lat pull, chest press and the leg machines... and then abs, plenty of abs...

All the while I was hoping my trainer would walk through the door and put me out of my misery... I waited and worked out about 3.5 hours... no luck. SO I just called him a few minutes ago - he's on vacation in Puerto Rico, and he answered anyway - and we're gonna get going again next week. :)

I'm very psyched. I've dropped about 60-65 pounds since I was last working with him, so the workouts should be much more productive this go around... I can't wait to start lifting in earnest. And more Pilates...

Ahhhh...

I'm also back on induction phase... This should be a VERY productive next couple of weeks.

Random Thoughts

2007-09-22T13:01:00.001-04:00

The Rabbi last night was really great...
I'll be going back for more shortly,
Just want to get a random thought out there first.

I am my job.

First and foremost.

Tomorrow, I'll begin to celebrate that with a 20 mile ride up in Hollywood.

Big Fat Reality Check

2007-09-20T12:18:00.000-04:00

Sigh...

OK.. still thrilled with my progress, but I just had a big, fat reality check in the clothes trying on department. :( 12 capris fit, 14 shorts don't. I just tried em on, and I was hoping for an easy on, but not even by a long shot... I'd guess another 10-20 need to come off in the belly. The legs and tush were fine. Where the hell did this belly come from? Used to be the only thing that always stayed flat.

I'm making progress, but not as fast as I thought...

Forging ahead... as soon as the exhaustion from BB wears off.

And making a re-upping my gym membership to add on to all the cycling.

Holy Cow

2007-09-15T21:05:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since I wrote anything here. Unreal. Big Brother has taken over my writing life for the past little while, but it's about to be over, so... back to personal blogging I shall be. :)

OK.. here's the good news: while I haven't updated my big fat blog, I have been working out (cycling) and eating as if I had. Drumroll please...

When I started sometime in April, I was in 20s and 22s... Last week, I randomly picked something marked 12 off a hanger to try it on, and it fit!!!!!!!!! OK.. the word "fit" may be a bit of a stretch, cuz I wouldn't actually dream of sitting down in those pants just yet. But... (a big miami sized buttt) I was able to get them on, no shimmying, no sucking anything in, no lying down... ON.

So, there is definitely progress. :)

Yippeeee!

Still loving riding, and can't wait to get back to massive morning rides once it cools down just a little. It's brutal by like 9am now, so I've barely gotten like 90 minutes in in the mornings lately. I overdid it once a few weeks ago, and made myself pretty ill with sunstroke - damn near puked & passed out at the oasis while I was ordering my cortadito. So, no more hero rides for me till it cools down... Sunstroke is scary.

Also cool.. LOTs of people noticing the loss now.

Gonna re-start with my trainer October 1st. :) And gonna upgrade the bike for my bday present to myself...

Life is very good.

What a Week

2007-07-30T23:44:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I woke up at 5am, blogged the overnight report, and then took my mother out for brunch. On the way there, I was thinking, ok... this is good... first time she's felt well enough to get out in 2 weeks... everything's getting back to normal... all i ask for is a little less drama this week.

Talk about tempting fate!

We have brunch... At the end of my meal, I'm sitting there peacefully, I look down at my empty plate, and there are 3 maggots.

I'm just gonna let that soak in for a second.

Needless to say, I felt immediately nauseous. i got up from my table, brought my plate with me, signaled to the manager of the restaurant and said, "I'm about to be ill. I need you to look at this," and handed him the plate. He looked, said, "Oh my God. Oh my God," and I took off for the bathroom. (i'll spare you those details)

I come back out, and still shaken, spoke with the manager, the cook, etc... Honestly, they couldn't have handled it any better. We determined it did not come from the kitchen, but the A/C unit above my table... where more continued to fall once I'd left the table.

Anyhow, they completely stepped up to the plate vis-a-vis medical, etc, and they're good people, so I'm letting it go. I was grossed out, but unharmed.

OK.. so I go from there to the Paramedics, who tell me not to worry, and call poison control to confirm it.

Moving along... I go to my favorite coffee joint for an espresso, make a couple calls, then call my mom to tell her all's well, and she tells me:"I did something stupid. I lifted.... "

and my heart stops... she just had the procedure a couple days ago... no lifting...

She'd had a sharp pain at the site of the catheterization... ok, so I'm not going to the afternoon party... I'm staying with her, making sure she's alive.

Things calm down for a while, then I get a note from one of the commenters on the blog, asking if I wrote for another bb site. I said no, never heard of em... Long story short... since the beginning of the season, they've been copying every single post and every single cap i've done and posting them as their own.

To say I was livid doesn't even begin to describe it... I spent all night, from about 11pm till 4:30am getting screenshots of all my stuff on the site... and yes, I'm pursuing it.

So this morning, I wake up absolutely thrashed at about 11am... post a slap-ass overnight report.. and get ready to help my mother with a volunteer thing for some underprivileged kids... we're supposed to ride over together with this woman, who as it turns out has brought 3 children with her in a small car.

I take one look, then decide to ride my bike.

I'm riding over there, and about 2 miles away, I'm chilling out, and just thinking, "please, God, just a little less drama this week." As soon as I thought it, the chain popped off my bike.

I laughed my ass off.

What else was I supposed to do?

Sunday Morning 1-7

2007-07-22T12:32:00.000-04:00

5:30am wake, coffee, blog the overnight report.
8:15am - 10am get out early enough to avoid the mainlanders and end up Power cycling through the rain while dodging poorly corralled triathletes in *my* oceanside park. grrrr.
10-10:30 breathe, shower off all the sand from above, dress
10:40 cycle to park on opposite end of island for breakfast on no name harbor.
11:00 breakfast
11:30am leave, too full, promise self to cycle at least another 30 minutes.
12:30pm home from nice ride around the island... legs/spirit coulda gone longer, but the boss lady'd had enough. youch. and it's about to storm. didn't realize till i was done how good a ride part 2 was...

Cycling reminds me of those great moments when you were 9 or 10 that started with the words, "Race ya!" and didn't finish till everyone was out of breath with huge smiles on their faces from all the exertion.

Also, the sheer fun of intentionally riding through all the puddles you could find...

Gotta love it.

New Rules

2007-07-20T16:15:00.000-04:00

I am starving today!!!!!

During my rides the past couple days, I've been composing blog posts in my head, and none of them started that way. Quite a bit more lofty really.

Today, I want food, and plenty of it. It's 4:15, and I've been wanting to order Chinese for dinner since about 2 hours ago.

Drink water!

I made some new rules this week. Since I've been doing trace carbs for like 3-4 months now, I think it's high time to re-introduce a few more carbs every day... with a few conditions:

In order to have half a tostada and a cortadito sin azucar for breakfast, I must:

Cycle for at least 60 minutes in the morning, and complete a minimum of 5 laps back and forth along the ocean wall at Crandon.

...this morning i did 7 :)

No morning workout, no carbs.

Also, all morning rides must be completed by 10am. It's just dangerous to be out there during prime sun hours.

2 of the most important people in my world + me (and 1 random guy)

2007-07-19T00:55:00.000-04:00

Sunstroke Anyone?

2007-07-17T15:49:00.000-04:00

I woke up crazy early today, got to work on the blog around 4:30am, and heard the call of the beach around 10:30. By the time I took to my bike, it was closer to 11am, and I had a gorgeous ride along the ocean, including 12 laps along the ocean wall/boardwalk at crandon. All in all about a 90 minute ride. At 11am. In South Florida. In summertime. Felt great while I was doing it, but at the moment, it feels like sunstroke.

***Note to self: stifle the inner voices that tell you to exercise around high noon. Pardon me while I take a long cool shower.Yeesh. Definitely under the heading of dumbest things ever!

Completely Soaked

2007-07-15T11:30:00.000-04:00

And Loving it!!

I just had a great ride in what started as a very light cool drizzle and turned into a puddle surfing mess of fun. :)

And... drumroll please... I got brave and tried on another size smaller shorts this morning.. and they fit! :) so that's 4 sizes down, if anyone out there's keeping track.

My goal for the summer is 2 more sizes... Feeling pretty great about it too.

I'm Alive and In It to Win it!

2007-07-11T09:16:00.000-04:00

Bless me blogword, for I have sinned. It has been AGES since my last post.

For anyone concerned, I just wanna letcha know that I am still very much in it to win it and 100% committed to m-e. ;) I've been completely on program and enjoying the heck out of all the cycling I've been doing... even in the brutal Florida summer heat.

Yesterday, was really nice. At the end of my ride along the beach at Crandon and in the Quiet Gardens (which is what's become of the Crandon Park Zoo since Metro Zoo became the zoo about 20 years ago), I stopped by the Oasis for an espresso (no sugar, 2 splendas) and just to chill, and as I rode in, dripping wet, I was applauded by this pack of serious (uniform wearing, seriously tricked out) cyclists. I've been seeing them at the Oasis for years, sharing idle chat, and this was the first time they'd seen me on the bike. They were so sweet... And all very happy for me, and happy to have a new convert into their world. It was really cute.

So why haven't I been here blogging about my daily stuff? Well, it's Big Brother season! lol.. For the uninitiated, you can come check out what's been keeping me so darn busy here: bb8dish. It's pretty life encompassing, but I'm not letting it interfere with what's most important. ;)

In new news... I gave up my car a few days ago. I haven't been using it at all, since I've been riding just about everywhere, and I just decided I didn't want to pay for it to sit there anymore. Between that and the horrific price of gas, it was just time. If a hurricane comes, I'd have to rent an SUV anyway (cuz it's higher, so there's less likelyhood of flooding out), so no biggie. I'll get another one when Big Brother's done for the season and normal life resumes. For the moment, I'm quite happy to save the money and reduce my carbon footprint, as it were. ;) The Gore-ical would be so proud of me.

A Quickie

2007-06-30T16:13:00.000-04:00

Just checking in, in case anyone's wondering if I feel off the low-carb wagon.
Momentarily removing my bb8dish hat, slipping into my cycling shorts and going for a ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All is good on the diet front...

Promise to self: I will not gain weight during Big Brother. In fact, i will continue losing!

Beautiful scenery and great excercise is calling!

Cya!

Morphing Women

2007-06-23T13:44:00.000-04:00

Went for another bike ride this morning... Not quite so painfully humid today, until you stop riding, sit in the shade for a moment, and realize the full onslaught of the heat.

Just got home and had this gorgeous video waiting for me in my email. It's titled "Women in Art," and I highly recommend you give it a look. Turn your sound up too.

Morphing Women just seems an appropriate video to have on this blog. ;)

Holy Humidity Batman!

2007-06-22T17:53:00.000-04:00

Just got back from my fist attempt at late June cycling... I really may have to re-up my gym membership. It's so bloody hot and humid, I felt like I was cycling underwater, in the ocean, and about as fast. And it's just gonna get hotter and more humid as summer wears on...

The lovely air-conditioned treadmills, ellipticals and funkadoo-arc-thingy are looking mighty attractive right about now...

I'm Baaaa-aaack

2007-06-22T09:10:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh.. Well that was a much needed break! I've just returned from Minnesota, where I went for my cousin Deb's wedding, and then stayed on an extra 10 days to hang out with my cousin Cheryl and her hubby and kids. Talk about detox! Did pretty great on the diet too... Here're some pics from the event and beyond.
mom, caleb, jimmy, me clever wedding photog took the family picsAFTER the hora.oy.

uncle jim & aunt pat hoisted up for the hora.

lora and jimmy

cale mom n jim.

me n morgan, doing fishy face.

brother Jimmy and nephew Caleb, looking oh-too-cool... l.a. meets rural minn.

I have many many more pics, but that's enough for now. :) Needless to say, the photo-frenzy continued well beyond the wedding... I still have to crop, edit, etc.

OK.. so let's talk food and exercise. On food, I was aces. I had 2 cheat days, and neither was insane... the wedding & a ladies night out. As far as my regular exercise routine, well that definitely wasn't happening, and I have yet to get back on program with it, now 2 days back home... Must get off ass very soon, or run the risk of watching it expand.

Not so Happy Tuesday

2007-05-29T16:39:00.000-04:00

Last night at 7:30pm, the lawyer friend I've been working for since November called me to let me know he'd be by tomorrow morning (today) with some documents we needed to get together and get fedexed out. He'd blown me off Friday and Saturday, and hadn't called till now, so I wasn't too pleased with him, and all I said was "ok" (whatever). Then he told me how his stomach had been acting up all weekend, and I thought he was making excuses to get back on my good side, and I wasn't too sympathetic.

At about 10pm, his wife called me, hysterically sobbing.

He was dead.

Would I call his sister?

Of course.

First I called his ex-wife... the mother of his children. My bed-side manner left much to be desired, but to be fair, I was in shock. I'd only heard 2 minutes before, and all I could say was, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but J's dead.

She said something like, please tell me you're not serious. Then I went into the limited details I knew: He'd had a heart attack. She let me know that he'd been to see his daughters earlier in the day, and they'd all commented to her how bad he looked. I just kept saying, I'm so sorry. She asked me to get more details, like where he was...

Then I called the sister. Cel phone off. Left her a voice mail saying to call me ASAP. Then I called the hospital, told them who I was and asked for whatever details they could give me... Paramedics brought him in an ambulance. By the time he'd arrived at the hospital, he wasn't breathing on his own, but he did die there, at the hospital.

Called back the ex and told her. She told me she'd told their daughters. Then i called her middle daughter's close friend to let her know her friend needed her.

I started going through my cel phone and carefully choosing who to call next. Which lawyer did he trust the most. Who was absolutely the cleanest? Completely beyond reproach? I made my choice, and called his wife, also a close friend of J's to tell her first - J had introduced the 2 of them.

I've felt like the Angel of Death since 10pm last night.. and all throughout the day today. It's not a good feeling at all... being the messenger of bad news.

There's a lot to be done, clients to be contacted, affairs to be arranged. It's definitely not pretty, and I still feel pretty numb... though I'm sure that will end the moment I see his daughters. I'm just not sure I'm ready to do that while I'm still immersed in dealing with the business end of things. There are quite a few loose ends that need to be sewn up and quickly.

There's so much more to this, but I don't feel comfortable publicizing it. All I'll say is this, and it ties back into an earlier post:

Addictions will kill you if you don't deal with them head on.
Acknowledging them is not enough.
I guess that is my lesson from all this.

I'm actually feeling angry and disappointed about the whole situation. What a waste of a great mind.

Addiction.
Heart Attack.
Dead.

There were many opportunities to step back, take stock and get well over the past 7 months. Three huge eye-openers such as - prostate cancer! - a car accident that should have been fatal and didn't leave a mark! - another hospitalization just 2 weeks ago for an infection gone haywire. Nothing worked. I feel like God was trying so hard to tell him, "You're special. I'm not letting you go without a fight! You have so much more to do here! Wake Up!!!"

The addiction won.
It wouldn't release him.
He wouldn't fight hard enough against it.
He wouldn't give in and go into rehab.
And now his beautiful daughters have no father.

The diet is feeling rather unimportant today, but I'm still on it and sticking to it. There was a momentary death=shiva=food moment in a small section of my brain, but the larger, dedicated part of my brain knocked the weakling devil to the ground and ate some protein. I haven't exercised yet today - there just hasn't been time - but as soon as I get a call from the lawyer I picked (who's currently meeting with the wife), I'll take a nice ride. I could use a pretty sunset.

And I got one.

Happy Memorial Day

2007-05-28T08:03:00.000-04:00

It's 8am and I woke up like a shot at 5 feeling surprisingly un-sore considering the amount of cycling yesterday. Then again, I haven't actually tried sitting on a bicycle seat yet, so who knows. Since I woke up so early, I've been tweaking my Big Brother blog for the past 3 hours - 5 weeks till the show starts, and I mean to be ready for it! All my ducks in a row, so to speak.

I'm heading over to a Memorial Day service on the Key Biscayne Village Green at 9, but before I go, just wanted to wish everyone a fun and a safe day!

Oh Dear God

2007-05-27T21:09:00.000-04:00

I rode my ass off today.
9:30am - 1:30pm
4:30pm-6:30pm

Legs? Fine.
Hoohoo? Not so much.

Spirit? Exuberant.
Mental Capacity post rides? Hovering near zero.

Diet? Still perfect.

In response

2007-05-27T08:20:00.000-04:00

Good morning, World.

I had a comment on my last blog that really gave me pause. Frankly, I found it depressing - not to me personally, but as a concept. So much so that I haven't written on this blog since.

I don't believe in holding on so tightly to our stories or our demons, because I believe it sets us up for failure. Our stories give us an excuse to fail. Instead, I believe in getting out there and moving, period.

Once you've really committed to yourself and your health and your body, you've got to let the rest of the story go, and move on! We've all got a story, a reason for being however fat we are, and while introspection can certainly be a healthy endeavor, it can also be stilting. To me, it just rings of defeat.. and I'm not willing to accept or encourage defeat.

To say, "I have a disease," in reference to food addiction is, to me, absolute crap, a crutch, and
an excuse to fail again and again. When one has a disconnect between the brain and the belly, call a spade a spade, and figure out a way to deal with it, but don't lean on it... it's self-defeating and it's tragic.

If I can leave you with anything, it's this:

Let go of your story.

Just be

Be active of body

Be mindful of what goes into your mouth

Be joyful, because you are beautiful and you can do this!

Almost time to go ride! :)

Happy Thursday!

2007-05-24T12:04:00.000-04:00

Wow. Incredible session with my trainer this morning!!
Phew. He completely kicked my ass.. in the best possible way.
Tremendous workout!

I really took it easy physically for the prior 2 days,
and I think it's just what the doctor
(and the trainer)
ordered.

Today, I feel completely re-invigorated!! :)

I was up at 7 working on tweaking my Big Brother blog
for the upcoming season,
Then to the gym/trainer.
Just had a yummy breakfast,
gonna work some more,
then go cycling a bit.

I'll post pics later on. :)

OK.. so yesterday I was PMSing to the point that I wanted to damn the diet and eat everything I could find within a 3 mile radius. I managed to stave it off by buying a low carb "treat" that was still within the realm of my program, and satisfied my urge to splurge.

Even so, I gotta tell ya, the urge was STRONG.. so strong I had thoughts of just completely scrapping the diet and all the progress I've made for the "pleasure" of eating to the point where I would have likely become ill.

Today I'm fine. It was just PMS hormone abnormality...
Aaaah the joys of being a woman.

Tuesday Afternoon Survey

2007-05-22T14:08:00.000-04:00

I just came across this survey on a myspace weight loss support group, so I thought I'd share my answers with the class. ;)

What's your workout like?
It varies daily.
-Sundays I do a minimum of 3 hours of bike riding.
-Mondays and Thursdays I have a personal trainer.
(cannot afford him, but can't afford not to either)
-Tuesdays I tend to take the day off.
-Wednesday More cycling or treadmill or arc trainer
-Friday Some kinda cardio and a poolates class
-Saturday couple hours of cycling.

How have you benefitted from exercising?
My body feels like a body again, instead of a blob.
I feel like I've taken ownership of my body again, instead of feeling trapped in it.

What challenges have you faced?
5 herniated disks in my neck
RSD (reflex sympathetic dystrophy) in my Thoracic Spine.
I've had both for four years now... Not fun, but I'm not willing to give in anymore.
Dr.'s be damned.

Do you workout at the gym, home, work or somewhere else?
All of the above and more.

Cardio vs. Fatburning. What's the difference?
Well, to my understanding, cardio is when your heart rate is up around 75%
and fat burning is around 50-60%. I focus more on the fat burning. Though cardio feels like I'm doing more, and it's hard to resist, ultimately, it's less what I need.

Weight resistance......machines or free weights?
Both. i love weight training. Always have. I'm not supposed to do it at all anymore but, like I said, I'm done taking no for an answer.

Have you overcome emotional or mental challenges from exercise?
hmmm.. i dunno. I suppose.. just from the endorphin kick. It's hard to be anything but happy when you're riding around the beach of a beautiful island!

Tuesday

2007-05-22T09:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday ended up being a pretty painfilled day.
Hate those.

I ended up not cycling at all,
and just went to my trainer,
who couldn't believe how jacked-up my spine was,
and told me I needed to take it easy the rest of the day,
as there is definitely such a thing as over-exercising.

This morning I feel pretty good.

Somehow last night
all kinds of self-destructive thoughts
crept into my diet mind...
Thoughts of taking a day off from low carbs,
Going for a cafe con leche and a tostada this morning...
(for anyone who doesn't live here in Miami, that's a sugared sweet Latte and Cuban bread, buttered and smushed on a grill - Delicious! and my breakfast of choice when I'm not doing low carbs)
Just eating whatever...

I think it was related to the pain factor,
and I haven't acted on it.

While I'm all for the occassional 'cheat day,'
I just don't think I'm mentally ready yet
to hop off the wagon
and hop right back on the next day.

My cousin's wedding is only 3 weeks away.
I'll save the cheat days for Minnesota.
And maybe not even then...
Just depends on the food.

Monday Monday

2007-05-21T12:34:00.000-04:00

Took mom
to her mammogram
this morning, so I
had to postpone my
personal trainer till
the afternoon today.

Here's a pic I took of her yesterday
while we were riding in the park.
Tiny little thing.
She got braces a few months ago,

(here's her grill)

so she's even tinier now
than she used to be.

And here's the cop with the cushiest job
in the Miami Dade Police Department.

Anyhow, while she was in her dr's appt.,
I stopped by Ross
just to try on clothes
and see what i could fit into.

Here's me from yesterday.

I'm happy to report,
unlike last month,
when I couldn't squeeze myself into most 20s,
all the 18s I tried fit,
and all the 16s fit my legs and tush...
but not the belly yet.

Where the hell did this belly come from?

All those "they" people were right
about your body changing after 30.

Used to be everything else could blow up
but my stomach would stay flat.

Not so much anymore!

But... I'm definitely making noticeable progress.

:)

It's just after noon,
and I'm feeling a bit sluggish,
probably cuz I haven't gotten any exercise yet today
so I'm gonna hop on my bike and ride over to the beach
on the north end of the island...

Yup, yup.. gonna show up sweaty for my trainer.
Nasty girl.

Thankful Sunday

2007-05-20T18:52:00.001-04:00

Even as I'm sitting here completely exhausted,
I'm feeling very thankful.

Thankful for my legs,
which powered me through
2 good rides today
totalling around 3 1/2 hours.

Thankful that my legs are
realllly starting to feel tight again.
I can see and feel the muscles in there,
and I love it!

Thankful I finally had the
I'm not gonna take no for an answer anymore
breakthrough
in terms what what I can
and supposedly can't do
with all my spinal issues.

Thankful for the sunshine
that finally broke through
and the rain that came before it
making it a nice cool day.

Thankful for the people around me
supporting me
in my journey.

Just feeling thankful tonight
for all that and more.

Ridin' in the Rain

2007-05-20T12:34:00.001-04:00

They only look like sunglasses. Today they're sun-goggles! Wish the raindrops all over 'em were more visible, but such is the nature of the cel phone camera.

There's really something to be said for riding in the rain. Kinda feels like being a 10 year old again... in the best possible way. Sure, I got soaked to the bone and absolutely filthy, but both of those go hand in hand with that 10 year old feeling. I'll be doing it again as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Sunday Morning

2007-05-20T09:14:00.000-04:00

I spent much of last night looking for weight loss support groups on myspace, 'cause I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather not do this 100% alone. Trouble is, for all the groups that exist on there, many are really just ads, and most are quite inactive and/or full of people complaining about what they can't do vis-a-vis exercise or diet, instead of figuring out what they can do, and I'm past that point. Looking for positive people, people who are truly ready and committed to themselves. I guess it's a symptom of the situation - people just give up, or they're just not truly ready to even begin.

I did manage to find 2 groups and a couple of individuals that seem active and positive, contacted them and fingers crossed, they'll get back to me.

It's 9:28am, I'm on my second or 3rd(?) cup of coffee, and I'm waiting for the rain to stop!!! I was planning on an early morning bike ride, then breakfast at Boater's Grill in Cape Florida - the state park on the southern end of Key Biscayne... soon as it stops. My alternate was to go to the Health Fair sponsored by local nbc on Miami Beach, but the streets are even more flooded there! Grrrrr...

Could this be G-d's way of telling me to take it easy today? Ha! Fat chance. More likely I'm just supposed to figure out another alternative. I'll give it another hour, do some research on line, and if it still hasn't stopped, I'll pop in the Pilates CD I bought a couple years ago... or the belly dancing one. That was fun!
***
Doh!! lol... then again, I could head over to the gym to do my cardio and a bit of lifting too. Gotta say, I love that that was a complete afterthought. Having always turned to the gym first, for so many years, now that I've re-discovered the great outdoors, the only time I've been going into the gym at the community center is Mondays and Thursdays for personal training. Every other day it's either cycling, Poolates, or walking outside. Yup, yup.. I've now found a new use for the gym - workouts on a rainy day.

The View From Here

2007-05-19T19:07:00.000-04:00

What's the point of living
in one of the most beautiful places
in the world
if you don't get out
and enjoy it to its fullest?

Key Biscayne is that place...
while I was out riding today
I had a little epiphany:
For the past few years,
since the accident,
I've been living as a prisoner inside my body...
Inside whatever pain it has to throw at me
on whatever day it is.

I'm done with that now,
and back to challenging
and appreciating my body.

Lemme tell ya,
it feels a whole lot better,
both physically and mentally.
*******
Just got home from a 2 hour ride
Followed by a 1/2 hour walk...

Took this pic with my phone
while i was riding
in Crandon Park
at the northern end of the island.

The colors didn't come out nearly as vibrant
as they are in reality,
but have a look anyway.

Gorgeous! :)

There are definitely cheaper places to live
than Key Biscayne,
but none better.

Drumroll Please...

2007-05-19T11:18:00.000-04:00

Today makes 2 weeks of low carbs!

WooHooooo!

I'm happy to report,
I'm also down a size or 2.

When i started,
20s were tight,
and now,
18s are loose.

Onward and downward!

I'm off to buy a bike!
The weather's gorgeous,
and I'm fortunate to live on Key Biscayne,
which is where just about
every cyclist in South Florida
comes to ride.

rough thursday

2007-05-18T09:23:00.000-04:00

kinda a rough day yesterday
body/self esteem/self image etc

stemmed from an excercise
my trainer had me doing
that my stomach was in the way
of doing properly

tears followed
minimally
but tears

when i got home later
and put on my khaki's
they were loose
out of the dryer

god provides.

sticking to the diet
and working out
doesn't hurt either.

Tuesday Morning Quickie

2007-05-15T11:36:00.000-04:00

I feel like I'm really getting into the swing of everything now. :)
The diet isn't painful.
Food isn't a focus.
Exercise is actually feeling like FUN,
since I re-discovered cycling..

Apart from the sore crotch!
But I'm told I'll get accustomed to the bike seat in time...
And perhaps going 4 hours the first time out wasn't exactly brilliant.
But.. it was FUN!
So much so that I did it again yesterday afternoon.
My inner tush (what you sit on) IMMEDIATELY protested,
but my spirit wanted to ride,
so I did! :)
For about an hour
with an impending storm darkening the sky.
It was still beautiful.
And the cool breeze
- a gift this time of year in south florida-
made me want to ride all the more.

lordy, lordy...
i may finally have a HEALTHY obsession!

woohoo!

Happy Monday!

2007-05-14T07:51:00.000-04:00

By jove I think she's got it.

Yesterday,
for mother's day,
at my mother's request,
I went cycling with her...

for four hours.

It was the first time I've been on a bike for at least 4 years,
(since the accident)
(cuz it was on my long list of things I'm not supposed to do)
and it was wonderful
on so many levels.

It was beautiful...
cycling along the beach,
in the parks
that book-end my island.

It was fun!

It made my mom happy.
It made me happy.
It was terrific exercise,
and it was OUTSIDE the gym.

I was waiting on final approval until I felt my spine this morning,
and I'm happy to report, my spine is fine. :)

For the first time in my adult life,
I have an exercise that doesn't require
headphones and a remote control to ward off the boredom.

An exercise that feels more like an adventure!

And... an excellent understanding of
why cyclists wear those silly looking padded shorts
and sometimes ride with their tushies in the air.
OUCH!
At a glance, one would think I came equipped with ample padding,
but one would be dead wrong.

This pic was taken about 3 hours into the ride.
Red-faced from the sun...
Sweating like.. an athlete! :P
Not lookin' pretty at all,
and happy as hell.

For a little update...
I've been PERFECT with the low carbs,
working out regularly,
and making progress. :)

I can feel and see changes all over my body,
both in the way it feels and the way it looks,
from my face down to my ankles,
and especially my core.

It's just a whole lot easier
and more enjoyable
to be inside my skin
right now
than it was
a month
or so
ago.

And off to the trainer I go!

Happy Monday!

:)

Pain Sucks

2007-05-08T14:38:00.000-04:00

2:30pm, and I still haven't made it to the gym today...
With the way my spine is still feeling,
i don't think it's gonna happen today.

pain can be a bit overwhelming
occassionally
overwhelming and all-consuming
considering i've been up since like 8am
and i just now had some breakfast...
no carbs

i need to finish the wholesale order i promised to ship out today...
so she can have it in time for mother's day...

beyond that,
i'll be takin it easy today

hate it when my spine revolts

Ouchie

2007-05-08T09:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's personal training session lasted over 90 minutes.
I didn't realize it till it was over...
Felt great doing all kinds of new poses...
Things I definitely could not have done just a month ago,
cuz i just didn't have the core strength.

This morning, not so great...
For the 1st time since I started,
I feel like some exercise we did
caused me structural pain...
spine stuff...

Today my cervical spine (neck) is not happy...
not happy at all.

I'm hoping it's just a wake up thing...
or a slept on the wrong pillow thing...
which is also entirely possible...

Gonna go do some light cardio and see if i can loosen it up.

Monday Morning Thought

2007-05-07T08:07:00.000-04:00

8:07am As I start the week, heading to the trainer at 9:30, the thought I want to focus on is this: It's all about commitment to self. The challenge is to remain equally, if not more, committed to myself than I am to all the other projects that demand my time...

Commitment to self... the key ingredient.

What does that mean? My health, my workouts, etc must remain on the top of my priority/to do list.

P.S. Today is day 3 of low carbs... actually, full blown atkins... going great... and drinking plenty of water...

Sunday Morning

2007-05-06T09:39:00.000-04:00

As of yesterday morning, I've decided to do the low carb thing, at least for a couple weeks, in an effort to accelerate weight loss, especially in the belly... and in addition to working out 5-6 days a week.

Something new... after my cardio yesterday (30 tread/20 funky arc machine), i decided to do some weight lifting... for the first time in 4 years. i did legs, which have always been my favorite, and it felt great! i kept the weight light, for now, and just got back into the movement of it... so far so good on the pain front. it felt wonderful (and quite empowering) to be back on my favorite leg machine, even though there was only 90 pounds on it.. knowing i could be lifting 9x as much... and just blowing out the reps and ending on single leg presses.

Now, I'm off to breakfast in the park with mom... Must be Sunday. ;)

happy

2007-05-04T16:10:00.000-04:00

ok, it's been a few days since i posted anything... and frankly, a few days since i did anything... took me a couple to recouperate from relay for life, but as of yesterday with paul the trainer and today on my own with cardio, i'm back full force and on program. my intake was good throughout, but the excercise skidded for a few days.

i'm definitely starting to feel small, positive changes with my body, which is such a great feeling... and with that my attitude - i must seem happier, cuz i'm getting lots of compliments... which adds to the self esteem, which adds to the positive outlook, etc etc.. it's all a cycle of positivity... and i'm quite happy to be in the middle of it!

ok, new rule: once a day, list a positive. whether i have time to write anything else or not... list one positive from the day.

today: today i re-confirmed my commitment to myself by exercising, making good food choices and taking the time to do my hair...

****Hair... ok, remind me never to do it myself again... Saturday morning, in the light of day, I noticed, and my mother was kind enough to point out to me, that my dye job was a hideous, freakish mess. Fortunately, my longtime hair person, Iliana, was able to correct the mess without making my hair fall out! Yayyy... On my honor, I will NOT attempt to play colorist to myself again!

Evil Streak

2007-04-22T12:05:00.000-04:00

12:02pm Sunday
Just got home from brunch in the park with mom
And a nice walk around No Name Harbor
And teaching mom what Russian Squats are
in hopes she'll have some understanding
of the meaning of quad pain
by tomorrow morning.

yeah.. i know how evil that must sound
but at the moment
i'm ok with that

Off to the gym i go.

Sunday Morning

2007-04-22T08:38:00.000-04:00

It's 8:38am as I sit down to write this,
and my quads are still screaming
though not quite as loudly.
Yesterday was so bad
it was comical.

(ya know it's bad when you're so sore you'd actually consider calling out for help to get up from the toilet)

Still, I went to the gym
and did 50 minutes of cardio, some abs,
and a whole lot of quad stretching...
all with the intent of breaking down the lactic acid.
It worked, to a degree.

I'm just hoping my muscles will have 100% recovered by 9:30am tomorrow morning, in time for my next meeting with the trainer... so I can do it all over again.

Until then, the plan for today is to do a cardio blowout.
I'm gonna do a minimum of 90 minutes of cardio
(which i'll sandwich between quad stretches)
on different machines if I get bored on one, hop in the shower, then try my luck in the pool with some of the poolates exercises i learned on friday.

The Saturday Report

2007-04-21T12:04:00.000-04:00

OK.. I had my first training session on Thursday.
It was tough.
It was great.
And I'm in so much pain right now,
I can barely move.
My quads are seriously cryin'.
Getting to a standing position
or to a sitting position
is cause for loud grunting noises.
No structural pain, though,
which is good.
All muscular... which is great.
There are still muscles buried in there.

Hey! I even found my transversus (sp?)
It's a lower ab muscle
found directly above the FUPA,
and it's sore too.

Being the devoted little trooper I am,
I actually went into the gym to do
cardio
AFTER my training session.

This may have been one of the least intelligent things
i've done in the recent past.

So, that was Thursday.

The pain began Thursday night,
while I was helping out with a cancer fundraiser,
and I have high hopes it'll end by the time i see my trainer on monday,
so we can start the process all over again.

Friday morning I had to take my mother to get a colonoscopy,
so I wasn't able to work out till much later in the day,
and I opted for Poolates,
which is Pilates in the pool,
at the Ritz.
It was great working out
outside the gym
in the sunshine
with a great teacher
who has an even sunnier disposition.

The only problem was my spine...
It wasn't liking the poolates as much as i had hoped.
My RSD
(reflex sympathetic dystrophy)
flared quite a few times
causing spasms around T10-11
(never fun).
Still, I'm gonna give it a few more tries
and see if I can make it work.
Usually the RSD doesn't kick in
unless my cervical (neck) spine is completely jacked up,
so maybe it's just a matter of readjusting my positions in the pool.

a wonderful bonus of taking a class
at the ritz
(which is next door to my condo)
is the spa access that comes with it...
So i took advantage and
had a nice soak in the jacuzzi after.

Today is Saturday.
I'm about to head out the door to the gym...
I'm hoping that warming my
INCREDIBLY sore quads
with about an hour of light cardio
will be just what the doctor ordered.

If my trainer happens to be there,
I'm going to beg for mercy and get him to stretch me.

Day Off, Kinda

2007-04-18T23:44:00.000-04:00

I took the day off from the gym today.
So that makes 4 on, one off.
I start with the trainer tomorrow morning at 10am.
I'm psyched.

Another little milestone tonight:
I went to 7-11 a few minutes ago, and (drumroll please)
I didn't buy any junk.

For quite a while there, I was buying everything my heart desired
and eating it
late at night.
Easily consuming upwards of 1000 calories
right before bed.

NOT Good.

Waking up at 4am and having to throw up a couple times cured me of that habit.
Blech.

So tonight I went to pick up some smokes
(also not good, but one thing at a time)
and I didn't even think about buying chocolate.

Pretty proud of myself.

1st time I've chanced going there late at night in over a month.
Ever since I discovered that sugar free fudgesicles
cure the late night sweet tooth.

I highly recommend them.

OK.. so tomorrow, personal trainer.

4 days in

2007-04-17T15:47:00.000-04:00

I'm 4 days into my 37th attempt at getting my body back.
4 days of minimum 45-60 minnutes of cardio on some gym contraption.
4 days of stretching and ab work.
4 days of not eating like a 5 year old with an expense account.

What makes today special is... today, I put my money where my mouth is -
double entendre intended, since i'm gonna have to do without something to pay for the trainer i just hired. $75/session, 2x/week, do the math.. that's an extra $600/month.

I am worth it. I am worth the investment. I will figure it out.

Lather, Rinse. Repeat as necessary.

Ultimate Goal - Get my body back into the size 8s taunting me in the closet...
Considering I'm starting from a size 20 right now, It's a BIG FAT GOAL.

First little goals -
1. no hang-over by june 10th - cousin's wedding. i can deal with the big ole butt (i live in miami, so it's a good thing)
2. feel comfortable in own skin

I chose black for the blog, cuz it makes me look thinner.

all supportive comments are welcome. haters can gfthemselves.