Sunday, May 27, 2007

In response

Good morning, World.

I had a comment on my last blog that really gave me pause. Frankly, I found it depressing - not to me personally, but as a concept. So much so that I haven't written on this blog since.

I don't believe in holding on so tightly to our stories or our demons, because I believe it sets us up for failure. Our stories give us an excuse to fail. Instead, I believe in getting out there and moving, period.

Once you've really committed to yourself and your health and your body, you've got to let the rest of the story go, and move on! We've all got a story, a reason for being however fat we are, and while introspection can certainly be a healthy endeavor, it can also be stilting. To me, it just rings of defeat.. and I'm not willing to accept or encourage defeat.

To say, "I have a disease," in reference to food addiction is, to me, absolute crap, a crutch, and
an excuse to fail again and again. When one has a disconnect between the brain and the belly, call a spade a spade, and figure out a way to deal with it, but don't lean on it... it's self-defeating and it's tragic.

If I can leave you with anything, it's this:

  • Let go of your story.

  • Just be

  • Be active of body

  • Be mindful of what goes into your mouth

  • Be joyful, because you are beautiful and you can do this!

Almost time to go ride! :)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love you chica. You are the most disciplined educated woman I know. Keep up the good work. I am so proud of you. I love reading your blogs. I can hear you speaking the words in your tone and bursts of giggles and laughter in between. SHYA!...CHORTI

May 27, 2007 at 12:23 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I have mixed feelings on this topic, and I hope whatever I write now makes sense.

Growing up, I was always overweight, ever since I can remember. My brother was always the thin one, which changed when my dad died in 2001, at which time he started to put on weight and has become extremely overweight. I do think that for most people, it is a matter of choice, and though I have always hated the word, WILLPOWER, and deciding that you are going to stop complaining about being fat, and start doing something about it. When my brother puts his mind to it, it is very easy for him to lose weight, and to say no to food, which sometimes I cannot comprehend because at times, I can be totally preoccupied with food. I do think some people's minds are wired differently regarding food. Or maybe it's more of a preoccupation with food because it was always restricted to me when I was a kid. But I got to be 18 years old and 552lbs, and just like anorexia and bulimia are considered diseases because at a certain point the person loses control, morbid obesity should be considered a disease as well, since at a certain point, you are no longer in control and food is controlling you.

With that said though, I had weight loss surgery, and am now not considered morbidly obese, and though the physical symptoms of the morbid obesity have been "treated" with surgery, the psychological part I haven't really dealt with, which is why I think it is sometimes harder for me at times to lose weight. I can be preoccupied with food, just like an anorexic, but with how much and what I want to eat, not about how little I am going to eat.

Now, I know ALL ABOUT EXCUSES. There are times when I know it's my decision, and I decide badly, and I know EXACTLY what I am doing. There are times where I am like "I used to weigh 500+ lbs, so this Snickers is no big deal." I have gotten ready and driven to the gym, only to keep driving because a "good song that I couldn't miss" came on the radio, and then I couldn't go to the gym because I had already "missed my class." I have even gone to the gym, done a class, and left and driven straight to McDonald's to buy breakfast (though there was really no excuse for that, LOL)

But there are also times when I do not feel in control, and I will go back to my old habits of binging, even though now after WLS, that consists of buying a lot of food that I know I cannot possibly eat, but trying anyway. That doesn't happen nearly as often as it did before WLS, but there are times I feel like I am not in control and the food is in control of me.

Regardless, though, I don't think that is the case for the majority of overweight people in the world. I keep coming back to my brother and me as an example, only because I see the difference in the way we think about food. Right now, he is about 350 lbs, and I am 200lbs...I'm a far cry from the 500lbs plus I was, so you'd think he would be more preoccupied with eating, but I'm the one sometimes offering to go buy and pay for fast food for both of us, and he'll say no, because he isn't hungry or NOT IN THE MOOD...and I'm like "NOT IN THE MOOD?!??!?! FOR FREE FAST FOOD!?!??? ARE YOU EVEN RELATED TO ME?" But in my head, hunger has nothing to do with it.

Anyway, I sound like all I can think about is food, which is not always the's kind of like a mood swing, or a rut you get into. Periods can go by where I am "normal" but sometimes it is, similar to a drug or alcohol addiction, and it seems like I cannot get food out of my mind....yet, I know personally that all this means I just have to make that much more of a concerted effort to make the right choices, because I know I can. There have been periods where I have been very good and very proud of myself, and though the cravings and thoughts of food would attempt to take over, I would do all the things they say to do to over come it- exercise when you have a craving, drink hot liquids, call a friend, and it all worked.

Once you make a decision to make yourself and your health a priority, then you do what you need to do to keep to that, plain and simple. And for some people, they gather the strength from within themselves, and get a support system together, maybe a personal trainer (and with you Carolyn, this blog)...and for people who find it a little hard, a therapist or sometime to help them through their food issues might be in order, but either way, that initial decision needs to be made that you are WORTH IT....

WHEW!!! :)

May 27, 2007 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Chorti - Thank you!! :)

Jessica - I hear ya.. the big difference is, I can hear you say all these things and they totally make sense to me, because I know you, and I know you're not a whiner. So it's all in my perception of the individual... and the person who had left the comment before is not someone I know at all... and I just felt like he was blowing my unrequited PMS munchies into this HUGE issue that I wasn't owning.
It's funny.. I keep hearing Kellyisms in my head. ;)

May 27, 2007 at 3:27 PM  

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